I just got up and met Owen, my flatmate, on his way out. A horrible bill. A horrible, horrible bill is in there, he said, waving his hand towards the living room. A bit confused, I walked to the notice board and there it was. The electricity bill from NPower. I looked at the bottom line and gasped.

First, let me state for the record that the billing practices in this country are horrible. They come in at irregular intervals, don’t contain much information, and are – of course – too big. Which brings me back to that scandalous electricity bill. Are you ready? It was £344.78. Yes, you’re reading it right, three hundred forty-four pounds seventy eight pence. So okay, this is a five bedroom house, inhabited by eight people at times, so we do use a lot of power, but this is ridiculous. I mean, it’s nearly 500 euros. That’s not an electricity bill, that’s the bloody rent.

Obviously there’s gotta be an explanation. Maybe it’s been ages since the meter was last read and that’s why the bill is humongous. Well, maybe. Except that nowhere in the bill does it state over what period of time it has accumulated. Nowhere.

Besides, NPower doesn’t really have a good track record on the billing side. They’ve mixed up more invoices than anyone on this side of the Atlantic, if the media is to be believed. And now this: £344.78 just days before we are supposed to be leaving. Looks like I’ll be eating lentils this summer. Bloody hell, as Owen might put it.