Mastodon

Archive for the ‘misc’ Category

Crotch

Why does it feel so nice to scratch your crotch?

More chances to bribe me

If money is really burning in your pockets, take a look at my gift list at Anttila. Should you want to spread the link (what a great idea!), it might be easier to use the following link: http://makeashorterlink.com/?D1A422F34 .

Mullet fun

Sometimes not knowing what a word means is much more fun. Take for example the following sentence:

Depending on your acceptance of the term, you might also include such giveaways as the parson’s nose on a chicken or the gelatinous liver inside a red mullet.

Blimey! Sounds delicious.

For the benefit of those who still don’t get it: mullet is a fish, too.

Mitä mieltä olin asioista vuonna 2003

Digs

Internet (riippuvainen, ilmeisesti. Ei naurun asia, pikemminkin ikuisen hammastenkiristelyn), kissa-eliö, musiikki ja lieveilmiöt, populaarikulttuuri, vimpaimet, nörtit ja vermeet, multimedia ja – sanoinko jo? – Internet. Tietokoneet, säätäminen ja vempulointi. Älypäät, Monty Python, Alivaltiosihteeri, Pahkasika. Matt Groeningin Elämä on helvettiä. Sarjakuvat. Populaarikulttuuri? Hienovarainen tai roisi huumori. Tuotetun kuuloinen popmusiikki, Flood (Depeche Mode, U2, Smashing Pumpkins ja niin poispäite). Kitarat, sekvensserit ja syntetisaattorit. The English language, mais aussi la francaise.

Päivittäin

Penny Arcade, User Friendly, Sluggy Freelance, Dr. Fun, Slashdot, Memepool, Naulan päiväkirja

Säännöllisesti

Soundi, Rumba, IRC-galleria, Bob the Angry Flower, Sexy Losers (varoitus: erittäin huono maku vaaditaan), Dilbert, Gene Catlow, General Protection Failure, sarjakuvat

Ruokailutaukojen välissä

Ateismi, aseistakieltäytyminen, Jukka Korpela, Jacob Nielsen, Debian

Ei digs

Suklaa, koiramolekyylit, Hammurabin laki, kissat jotka syö spagettia ihmisten astioista salaa yöllä ja ulostaa löysästi päivällä, listat kotskabortaaleissa, tietokoneet jotka toimii huonosti, integraatio, lappeen Ranta, OMO-rekka. Tuottamattoman kuuloinen musiikki. Väkivaltaiset asiat & ihmiset, fundamentalismi. Itseironian puute.

Conforming to postal norms

I got a package in the post from DVDSoon, Canada. There’s a wonderful sentence there that goes This item does not contain any dangerous articles prohibited by postal regulations and all you can do is wonder what would happen if it said the exact opposite.

The Tramp over-centennial

Today is the 114th anniversary of sir Charles Chaplin. Anybody who has ever seen any of his movies knows this is cause for celebration! Gets mi eye all wet, thinking about the shaving scene in Great Dictator, or eating the shue in Gold Rush, or the dance with the buns, or…

Three dreams

For some reason I’ve been able to remember the dreams I’ve had during the last three nights. It felt like a perfect opportunity to start spewing them here.

The Swing

My cousin Jussi, some other bloke and me myself were in a swing. It wasn’t an ordinary swing but more like a cross between a ferris wheel and a roller coaster. The thing looked like a giant windmill with three blades at the ends of which were the seats. The difference between this swing (for some reason I kept thinking of it as a swing) and a roller coaster was that the seats were in a fixed position, so the only thing that kept you from falling down was the centrifugal force.

The whole thing was sort of self-propelled so that it had just enough momentum to keep revolving as long as all three seats were taken. Naturally, what happened was that I jumped off which in turn left the swing horribly imbalanced and it just started swinging back and forth but not having enough force to go round. I immediately realized what I had done and before soon both Jussi and the third man just catapulted out of the swing. For some strange reason they did not just fall out when their seat was in its upmost position but rather were thrown out of the swing when the seat reached its rightmost position and started suddenly going backwards.

Both guys landed flat on their stomachs on the green grass. I was really distressed but pretty sure they were okay.

The Oscars

A bunch of people had gathered at a church for some reason when I suddenly realized that the whole thing was in fact the Academy Awards. Something had happened to the presenters or the whole organization because there was nobody to hand out the award for best foreign film. Anyhow people had come to the conclusion that the envelope should just be opened and the name read out but still they kept procrastinating for some reason.

Most of the crowd seemed to consist of my relatives, but Aki Kaurismäki was there too. He started explaining that I should get the award. I felt really undeserving, even though I was indeed a contender for the best foreign film prize as well, so in reply I promptly started to praise his movie.

I can’t remember the outcome, though.

On The Run

Me and some other people were trying to escape from what seemed like a theatre of war. The scenery was actually a mixture of a children’s playground and backyards (this is hard to explain). Anyhow, we did a lot of sneaking and not being seen and all that but then I found myself in a huge auditorium.

Some soft of party meeting was taking place and I had to sit next to a man who talked in an irritating way and hoarded most of the bench. Actually I was one buttock in the air cos the guy was such an inconsiderate prick. He kept asking me who I’d voted for in the election and I muttered something about being abroad which didn’t really seem to satisfy him.

I finally got him to move a bit when I accidentally hit him in the stomach with my elbow.

Nenäepisodi

Ala-asteella minulla oli monia epähygieenisiä harrastuksia. Jos ollaan tarkkoja, muutamat niistä ovat nykyäänkin erottamaton osa persoonaani. Eräs näistä toiminnoista oli yhtä lyhytikäinen kuin kuvottavakin.

Paikka on Nepenmäen ala-aste Joensuussa, aika on 1980-luvun loppu. Erään poikkeuksellisen tylsän tunnin aikana kolmasluokkalainen (tai toka tai eka, en muista enää) Olli oli oma-aloitteisesti kehitellyt varsin mainio ajanvietteen. Sen osasia olivat pyyhekumi ja sierain. Säännöt olivat varsin yksinkertaiset: pieni kuminmurunen tungettiin oikeaan sieraimeen, vasen henkirööri tukittiin sormella ja pyyhkijänpala puhallettiin ulos nenästä. Loputtomasti halpaa hupia, tai niin minä luulin.

Kunnes kuminpala ei enää tullutkaan ulos.

Tätä hämmentävää tilannetta seurasi huomattava määrä paniikkia (”voiko murunen jäädä nenääni ikuisiksi ajoiksi?”), epätietoisuutta (”voinko vahingossa imaista kumin sisääni?”) ja itkua (”voi paska”, eli edeltävien ajatusten yhteisvaikutus). Koska en halunnut paljastaa surkeuteni todellista syytä, pyysin kyynelsilmin lupaa käydä terveydenhoitajan luona, ja tämä enkelihahmo poistikin murusen vaivatta pinseteillä nenästäni.

Olen melko varma, ettei kukaan luokkatovereistani saanut koskaan tietää, mitä todella tapahtui.

New hairdo for my home pages, too!

Well, well, well. Today I’ve cleaned the room, washed the dishes, and completely overhauled my pages… but absolutely nothing has happened with the essays. Oh dear.

Arab nationalism = Finnish nationalism?

The following piece appeared on the Letters page of The Guardian’s Review supplement on April 5, 2003.

Civilized bombers

Surely the ”-ism” in the Middle East which has caused more death and destruction is the one unmentioned by Avi Shlaim (Book of the Week, March 29) – imperialism?

[…] Arab nationalism (like, say, Finnish nationalism) has always seemed to me an essentially defensive political stance. Maybe the Finns are just lucky living in the north, playing Sibelius and reading the Kalevala to their hearts’ content, away from oil-rich, and in the case of Palestine, contested lands.

But basically what is the difference between Finnish and Arab nationalism? Why can we celebrate the one in the concert hall, while the other is demonised by academics?

I must say I’ve got absolutely no idea what to make of this, but it seemed interesting enough to report here. Also note the topic, which might or might not have been selected by the editors.